The Importance of Declaring Pronouns
Written by Ashby Lou Bito for Glimmer.
“My name is Ashby and I use they/them pronouns.” I’ve only started introducing myself this way last year. However, it has been limited to my college campus, an LGBTQ+ national conference, and other LGBTQ+-friendly platforms. There may be more or less brave spaces depending on a lot of factors. Not only have I started introducing myself this way, but I’ve also expanded my understanding of my own identity and other identities that people have.
But first, what are pronouns exactly? Why is it important for you and me to declare our pronouns wherever and whenever we can? Keep reading so we can learn together.
What are pronouns?
We use pronouns in place of people’s names when we are referring to someone. The English language has she/her/hers and he/him/his, which are gendered, and they/them/theirs, which is gender-neutral. Other people have chosen to use neopronouns, which are new sets of pronouns used in lieu of the previously stated pronouns. Some include ze/zir/zirs, ve/vir/vis, and more. Neopronouns can look intimidating and even confusing if you’re seeing them for the first time. But with the right resources and an open-mind you can learn to use them quite easily. Some great sources will be listed at the end of the post.
Why it’s important that you declare your pronouns when you have the opportunity
No, I don’t mean with your family who doesn’t know about your identity or a workplace/school who won’t even begin to fathom the question, “What are your pronouns?” (although that doesn't mean you can’t educate them when you’re able to). I mean like an LGBTQ+ circle you have, whether that’s an online forum, friends in real life, or (the ultimate space) a Diversity, Equity, Inclusion training. Additionally, there are more spaces that are also open to the declaration of pronouns. Of course, we still need to work on expanding those spaces (more on that later).
You never know…
While it may seem redundant for cisgender folks to declare their pronouns, declaring our pronouns will reinforce that sometimes, the way people present themselves doesn’t necessarily align with what we assume to be their pronouns. In addition, people might present themselves ambiguously, so assuming someone’s pronouns in that situation won’t work. You will never know what pronouns people use until there is a space for them to declare theirs or when you ask them.
Here are some ways you can ask:
“What pronouns do you use?”
“What are your pronouns?”
Some people use more than one pronouns. They may express it like this:
“I use she/they pronouns.” or “I use he and they pronouns.”
Some may use both pronouns interchangeably and some others use the first pronoun they declared more than the second pronoun. In both instances, ask for clarification.
When they have pronouns that you might not be sure how to pronounce or use, ask for clarification since there are variations to common neopronouns’ pronunciation. Don’t want to put someone on the spot? You can practice by yourself with this app: Pronouns/Minus18.
“But they/them pronouns are confusing because it’s for more than one person!”
In 2017, the American Psychological Association endorsed the usage of they/them pronouns as a singular third-person pronoun in the seventh edition of the Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association in order to avoid assumptions about gender and is inclusive to all who do not use he or she pronouns.
Grammar can change over the years and pronouns are no different. In fact, it becomes efficient to use singular they/them pronouns instead of using “he or she” when referring to a person whose gender identity is not specified. That said, singular they/them pronouns are used for people who use they/them pronouns and for people whose gender identity is not stated.
Sometimes, you may use singular they/them pronouns in casual conversations without being conscious of it. This is simply to “reorient” the rules and make the language inclusive in our world today.
When you mess up…
When you slip up, simply use the correct pronouns in place of the wrong pronouns. From there, apologize and move on. It’s best not to draw too much attention to the slip-up to avoid making a scene. It can go something like this: “I think she, uh I mean they, did this well. I apologize for that.” Simple, concise, effective, and respectful. Also, it’s best not to wait too long to issue the apology so that you don’t give them an insensitive impression. In a group setting, If you don’t apologize immediately, the next best option is to apologize once the gathering or meeting is over and apologize one-on-one.
If you need further clarification, simply ask the person. If you don’t feel comfortable asking them in public, ask for clarification one-on-one.
What do you do now?
Of course, further research about pronouns (whether it’s usage, different pronouns and pronunciations, etc.) would help us all become more inclusive, respectful, and helpful to the LGBTQ+ community and to our allies. You can start with the resources below. Earlier in the passage, you will find ways or spaces for you to declare your pronouns. If you are unable to declare them verbally to a group, you can start with your social media bio. Social media platforms like Instagram and LinkedIn now have the feature when you can put your pronouns! In addition, you can help expand the spaces available for people to declare their pronouns. The first space would be… you! People can openly share their pronouns with you because you know how important it is and you have normalized declaring pronouns in your daily interactions. If you want to help further expand inclusive spaces, start with your own social circle. Talk to them about it, especially if they have expressed that they want to be more inclusive. Another option is your coworkers. You don’t have to throw them into the pronouns pool just yet. You can start by asking what they think of the LGBTQ+ community. If they say something like, “I have no problem with the LGBT community” or “I wish I can help the LGBT community somehow” or vaguely anything else that indicates that they are an ally but are unsure what to do after that, this would be the perfect opportunity to help them start - with pronoun declarations. Of course, make sure to provide them with sources. The sources below are a great place to start.
This is only the beginning of our journey as allies and members of the LGBTQ+ community. There is so much more to learn and talk about when it comes to all things LGBTQ+. If this is your first time learning more about the community beyond what the acronym stands for, I’m glad you’re here. I hope your journey to learning is fruitful and that it’s full of love, inclusivity , and acceptance. For all of us, we must continue to advocate for more spaces to be inclusive, equitable, and accepting to diverse identities. We can do that with one lesson, one greeting, one question, one protest, and one action at a time.
Ashby Lou Bito (they/them), also known as Efflorescent Child, is a writer of poetry, fiction, essays, and more.
They write about various topics like LGBTQ+ topics, art, literature, culture, and all other topics that they find interesting! Their journey as a writer may be in its budding stages but they are on their way to writing pieces that positively impact the world. They believe that being a good person is the foundation of doing meaningful work.
You can follow them on Instagram @efflorescent.child.